You’re Not Crazy
You’re Grieving: A Roadmap Through the First Year of Loss
The first year after losing someone you love can feel like you’ve been dropped into a strange land without signs, trails, or even a compass. I remember feeling that way in my own grief—wondering which way to turn, what to do next, and how I could possibly keep going when my heart felt shattered. I created a gift for you, a booklet that contains a map to help you. In my years as a Grief Educator, I’ve heard these questions from nearly everyone like you who is mourning a loss. Have you been asking, ‘Am I crazy?’ Is it normal to feel this way? When will this end? Everyone’s telling me to move on, but I can’t. I’m stuck. Will I feel this way the rest of my life? I’m here because I thought I could do this alone. But I can’t. It’s been a year (or more), and I’m still struggling with so many things!”
I wrote this booklet for you: You’re Not Crazy, You’re Grieving! A Roadmap through the First Year of Grief using The Hero’s Journey to Understand the Emotions of Grief. What I’m sharing with you isn’t a way out of grief, but it is a way through it. It’s based on the Hero’s Journey—one of the oldest storytelling patterns in history—and it helped me survive not only the loss of my husband but all that happened in the years of long-term caregiving and the craziness of the years that follow. It helped me to know there is a light at the end of every long, dark tunnel. I pretended to be the heroine of my story, one who could heal her heart and live again. It gave me hope. I wrote this book and all the coordinating blogs to offer you the same hope.
How Do You Find Your Way Through the Hardest Years of Your Life?
In my book, I created a map that shows not only the areas of the journey you are on, but also the normal feelings experienced during that time. Think of it as a guide to help you navigate the rocky, muddy, and difficult places you’ll face in this first year.
You are the hero or heroine of your own story, and while I can’t spare you the hard days, I can walk beside you through them. Every blog post you’ll find here is a stop along the way—a conversation with others who are grieving, lessons from experts like Dr. Alan Wolfelt and David Kessler, and honest, sometimes tearful, reflections from my own and others’ journeys. I hope that this map (on page 5) will give you a little more clarity, a bit more courage, and the deep knowing that you are not alone.
Click here to download a copy of the book:
You’re Not Crazy, You’re Grieving! A Roadmap through the First Year of Grief
Step One – When the World Stops
Post 4 – Shock: Why Does Nothing Feel Real?
The moment you realize they’re gone, everything changes. This post helps you understand the neurological and emotional reasons for numbness, disbelief, searching, and even fleeting thoughts of not wanting to live without them. You’ll see why you must slow down, rest, and avoid major decisions during this time.
Step Two – Finding Your Bearings in the Storm
Post 5 – Disorganization – The Hardest Part of Grief
After shock lifts, grief doesn’t get easier — it often gets harder. This post introduces the “Muddy Middle” of the grief journey, with 26 emotions you may experience in no particular order. It’s the map you’ll keep returning to all year long. There are pockets of sunshine and rest. I will help you pace yourself and find love and laughter even in the midst of this. Remember, mud is part of the beginning of Spring. It takes time for your brain (yes, your brain, not your thoughts) to remap.
Step Three – The Emotional Roadmap
From here, we walk lovingly through each emotion that may appear during your grieving. There’s no order, rhyme, or reason. You are not crazy!
Post 6 – Aimlessness – Feeling like you’ve lost all direction and purpose.
Post 7 – Anguish – The breath-stealing pain that has no words.
Post 8 – Anger – Why you might feel rage at people, situations, or even the one who died.
Post 9 – Anticipation of Loved One – The instinct to expect them to walk in the door.
Post 10 – Forgetfulness – When your brain feels broken, and memory slips away.
Post 11 – Hopelessness – The heavy belief that life can never get better.
Post 12 – Loneliness – Missing them in every breath, in every place.
Post 13 – Loss of Interest – Why nothing feels enjoyable anymore.
Post 14 – Physical Distress – How grief impacts your body in surprising ways.
Post 15 – Relief – The complicated mix of love, loss, and release after prolonged suffering.
Post 16 – Sadness – Learning that sorrow can coexist with moments of joy.
Post 17 – Appetite – How grief changes your relationship with food.
Post 18 – Loss of Meaning – When life feels pointless, and purpose is hard to find.
Post 19 – Anguish (Expanded) – A deeper look at pain’s raw edge.
Post 20 – Anxiety – When grief triggers fears about the past, present, and future.
Post 21 – Confusion – Navigating the fog that affects decision-making and memory.
Post 22 – Fear – Facing the unknown and finding courage in small steps.
Post 23 – Guilt – The “woulda, shoulda, coulda” thoughts that haunt grievers.
Post 24 – Isolation – When you withdraw from people and the world.
Post 25 – Faith and Thanksgiving – Struggles and gratitude in the same breath.
Post 26 – Dreams & Nightmares – What your sleeping mind processes about grief.
Post 27 – Preoccupation – The constant mental replay of your loss story.
Post 28 – Restlessness – Why you can’t sit still or feel settled.
Post 29 – Yearning and Healing, Part One – Understanding the brain’s longing for what is gone.
Post 30 – Yearning and Healing, Part Two – Remapping your brain for a new future.
Post 31 – Suicidal Thoughts – When grief feels unbearable, and finding a way through.
(All of these posts are scheduled!)
Beyond the First Year
Though this section is focused on the first months, healing doesn’t stop at the one-year mark. You may still cycle through these emotions in different ways. That’s why I also write blogs that go deeper to help you fully understand your grief. Those are posted on Wednesdays. In 2027, the Wednesday blogs will be a deeper dive into what you may experience on your journey.
Remember: Together we will heal your grief and end your suffering, so you can live again! – VickiJolene